Amanda Manthey Photography

Today is April 21st –  a very important day to me – and what I now refer to as Colin’s day. On April 21, 1997, his 16th birthday, Colin left our world to join the angels above and watch over us all. It is a day that changed my life forever. Many years have passed by, and as always happens with passing time, perspective is gained. I don’t cry every time I think about him (which I used to!) but I do still sometimes get sad. But the view I have now is that I think he was always destined to be a guardian angel. I want to give you a little background on why I am writing about him on my photography business blog. It’s simple – he is the reason I started capturing every moment. He is the reason I learned that life is not in our hands and that it shouldn’t be taken for granted. He is the reason I learned about loss. He is the reason I am a photographer.

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I got the call on the morning of Tuesday April 22nd from a friend letting me know that Colin had passed away the night before at the mall with his mom. I was blow drying my hair and wearing a new outfit I was so excited about and Mmmbop was playing on Z100. People always say they remember something like it was yesterday and it always sounds like that can’t be true. But this is one of the moments that feels like yesterday. My eyes still tear when I think about it. It was a split second between dancing and singing to having my heart ripped out. A moment frozen in time. But then things become a bit blurry for the next couple of days. Flashes go through my head of certain moments . I could detail some of them, but the most important was the feeling of loss and sadness and disbelief and longing and numbness. My friends and I were trying to grieve in whatever way we, as 15 and 16 year olds, could think of. We ended up gathering all our photos we had of Colin. Remember this was 1997. Before smart phones. Before Facebook. Before Myspace even. Before people captured every moment. Back when people lived IN the moment. And at the end of the day, we couldn’t even fill a whole book of photos of him. And those photos are the only things I have left of him. And I don’t think I will ever forget his face, but it’s still just nice to have these photos to look at and think of him.

Colin was so special and that seems so silly and simple to say but honestly it is the truth. He was the youngest of 10 children with two loving parents and I think he had a little bit of all of his family members in him, which added to his amazing personality. He was the person that all the girls wanted and all the boys wanted to be. He would crack jokes to lighten situations. He would stick up for others when kids made fun. He would pretend to be tough but was really the sweetest.  He was great at every sport he tried. He had this way he walked with his chest kind of puffed out and he would kind of swing his legs out. It’s hard to describe, but I can still see him doing it when I close my eyes. He had a handsome chin dimple. A smile that would melt your heart. A twinkle in his eye – it always seemed like he knew a secret that you wanted in on. And don’t get me wrong – he was also a human teenage boy. So he would tease sometimes and be silly – but it was never malicious or mean spirited.  He touched everyone in school and I don’t even know if he knew he had that impact. Honestly, I could write about him all day, but this blog post is long enough, so I will leave it at that. I think he was just living his life to the fullest. I was so angry when he first passed away. Mad at God for taking him so early. But as time went by, I realized that if I was God and I had my choice to pick any person – I would pick the best too. So that helped a bit with the pain. Then as time went on, I learned more things that made me realize he was always destined to be an angel.

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In 8th grade, we all had to write poems for English class. It was called an I Am poem. Mine was about being tall I am sure – I am a tall girl who (insert something normal). Not very original or deep. Colin’s was so….I don’t even know the word to describe it. But reading it gives you the chills. It’s like he knew he was going to be an angel. His refrain was “I am a fun guy who likes sports.” And on the surface – that might be what people thought and saw if they never really talked to him.  But honestly, I don’t think that is true either – I think everyone knew how special he was; that he was more than just a fun guy that liked sports. A couple chilling excerpts (remembering he wrote this in 8th grade!): “I see an angel flying in the sky, I want to be able to fly and look over everyone” and “I feel for people who die with no good explanation, I touch God’s hand and never want to let go, I worry about dying and what it will be like, I cry for death”. Like I don’t even think I could write something like that now – let alone in 8th grade! I just think its more proof about how special he is.

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Very recently I read an article about the song Mmmbop, by the Hanson Brothers. For those of you that aren’t aware of this song, it was a pop song from the late 90s. This is the song that was playing when I heard the news about Colin, so it always makes me sad when I hear it. It has a really catchy beat and I never really listened to the words. But when I was reading this article – oh man – more chills. A couple choice lines: “You go through all the pain and strife. Then you turn your back and they’re gone so fast.” “In an mmmbop, they’re gone. In an mmmbop they’re not there.” So get out of town at the relevance that this pop song had to the moment it reminds me of! I just don’t think that is a coincidence.

Anyway, if you are still reading this, thanks for reading. This certainly wasn’t my best writing. And I am sure if my high school English teacher (ahem, Mrs. Cutler) was to read this, she would probably cringe at all the errors. But I think about him every day, and definitely even more on April 21st. On Colin’s day, I thought it was fitting to thank him for watching over me and inspiring me to become a photographer, which eventually became my passion. (I have my sister to thank for why I decided to start my business – but I can save that for another day, another blog post ;))

Happy Birthday Colin – thanks for watching over us!